Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
now i know why i became what i already was.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just invented taco cereal.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
