If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize