It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
