Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
