i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
