i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
