My liver just broke up with me...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize