I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
