think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
