My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
