obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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