how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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