I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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