I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
