Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
