im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
