Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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