Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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