I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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