Your mouth is God's brothel.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
