Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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