I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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