just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
