just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
