can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My vagina is officially offended.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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