whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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