i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
