I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
