I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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