i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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