How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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