Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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