Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
