i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
