last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
