I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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