Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize