it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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