he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize