he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
