You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
