I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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