WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You've changed since you got that strap on
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
