Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
