Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
