I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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