is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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