I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
