He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
