Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
