Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
