so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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