whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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