If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
