I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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