Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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