That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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