one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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