I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
