I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
