I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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