He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize