when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
