You smell like stripper and shame
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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