I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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